Being A Gentleman To A Female Friend vs Dating vs Girlfriend/Wife
I was having this conversation with a friend of mine the other day. He was telling me a situation some time ago when a young lady was treating him like a boyfriend, but at the same time, he was friendzoned.
Let me explain.
This young lady was reaping the benefits as if she was dating or if she was in a relationship with him. She would text him first thing in the morning, call him whenever she needed to talk, cuddle up whenever she was cold, let him pay for dinner and drinks, be very flirty, guilt trip him to feel bad so he would cancel his plans to be with her, etc.
When my friend decided to make a move, BAM! He was hit with the “You’re amazing but I only see you as a friend… I hope one day to meet a guy like you though“, yet, she expected him to treat her like his number one.
I’m sure this has happened to a lot of other gentlemen before, especially if you’re an extremely nice guy. Though, being a gentleman to ladies isn’t just about being nice and treating her like she’s on a pedestal. A woman wants a strong man who is chivalrous, treats her right but also doesn’t let people walk over him, including herself.
Before I continue, my friend spoke up and told her how he felt. He simply told her that’s not what he’s looking for so he moved on.
Time passed, the longer they didn’t talk, she realized what she’d been missing… not a guy she hoped to meet that was like him, but rather, she was missing him in her life.
Let’s get into how to be a gentleman when it comes to a female friend vs dating vs being in a serious relationship so we don’t fall into the same situation my friend did and avoid the awkwardness from both sides.
Being A Gentleman To A Female Friend
If it is an established friendship (with no intent with dating) then you shouldn’t treat her like she’s your number one. You should treat her exactly how you would treat your guy friends.
Okay, maybe not exactly like your guy friends but have the type of mentality like that’s who you have a friendship with. Just keep in the back of your head that she is still a lady.
Here are some instances:
- If your guy friend texted you when you were busy (and it’s not an emergency), you would probably text them later when you have some free time. Do the same with her.
- If you went out for drinks with your guy friend, one person would probably get the first round then the other would get the next or you would just split the bill. Do the same with her.
Now there are certain things you can get away with doing for your female friend that you probably wouldn’t do for your guy friends and that’s perfectly fine.
Would you hold the door open for your guy friends? Probably, because that’s just being courteous so it’s perfectly fine doing that for her too.
If your guy friend was cold, would you offer him your jacket? Even if you weren’t cold and had layers on, you probably wouldn’t. It’s perfectly fine to offer it to her.
These are just some instances but ultimately, you just want to treat her like a friend and keep the romantic gestures out of the equation.
Being A Gentleman To Someone You’re Dating
If you’re dating, with the intent of potentially being in a serious relationship, then you want to be chivalrous, treat her right but make sure you have a backbone and have your own input so you’re not just a doormat being walked on.
A lady doesn’t want a “yes” man but someone who has their own opinions, speaks up to take charge and brings value to the relationship. If you’re too nice, too sweet, too ready to do whatever she says, you’re not adding value, you’re just agreeing and doing whatever she wants.
You want to impress her just by being yourself. You’re looking to turn dating into an actual relationship.
Yes, if you ask her out, you should pick her up at her door, not waiting in your car. You should open the door for her. You should pull out her chair. You should pay for dinner. You should walk her back home. When it comes down to it, you should be the one to make the first move.
Know the difference between being a gentleman/good man and just being too nice. If she doesn’t feel you are capable of being her protector, then more than likely it won’t lead to a relationship.
Being A Gentleman To Your Girlfriend/Wife
Being a gentleman to your girlfriend or wife is a mixture between being a friend and dating but you take it to the next level and continue showing her how much you love her.
If you’re in a serious committed relationship, you want to be each others number ones. You don’t stop doing chivalrous gestures after the dating phase, it means you’re trying to one up your previous gesture to show your continued love for her.
Don’t hold back, pull out all the strings and keep pulling them out to keep the spark in your relationship hot. This is on top of the small things you were doing while you were just dating.
Don’t stop holding the door for her, offering her your coat, holding her hand, pulling out her chair, etc. In addition to the small things, surprise her when she least expects it with romantic gestures.
Every relationship is different so make sure you listen, pay attention and take action. If you know she’s having a rough day, have dinner waiting for her when she gets home. If she’s wearing something new and you think she looks beautiful in it, tell her that.
You always want to be a gentleman but you should know the difference on how to be one in every type of relationship with the opposite sex. The best way to avoid awkward situations, like what happened to my friend, is simply communicate. If you’re looking for a relationship and she’s not then you don’t want to waste each others time.
Be a gentleman, always. Just know when you go out of your way and when to stay in your lane.