How To Get Over Trust Issues In a Relationship
Respect, honesty, trust, loyalty and communication – these are all needed for a healthy relationship. If the relationship lacks one, ultimately you will run into speed bumps. If the characteristic happens to be ‘trust’ within each other, it’s going to be tough staying fully happy within the relationship.
Now I’m not an expert in relationships and I honestly don’t think anyone can simply tell you “this is how you fix your relationship” because every one is different. There’s no easy way or easy fix but I can tell you I once had trust issues when it came to relationships even when I was never given a reason to.
For the most part, you should probably already know if you have trust issues or not. In case you don’t, here are some common signs.
Common Signs Of Having Trust Issues
We go through everyday life making choices on whom to trust and how much trust you should give any given person you meet. Having a good judgment on when and whom you should trust does help keep us safe but being overly mistrustful, especially when it comes to someone that’s supposed to be close to you, will be an issue.
Here are some signs of having excessive trust issues:
– Don’t have emotional attachment (not able to open up or support emotionally)
– Believe others are deceptive or malevolent with absolutely no evidence
– Lack of intimacy or friendships due to mistrust
– Paranoid thoughts (constantly thinking someone is cheating on you for example)
– You NEED to be in control (have a hard time allowing others to lead)
Those are just a few that stands out.
Examples Of Having Trust Issues In A Relationship
Constant Thought Of Checking Partners Phone
If you have the urge to go through your partners phone (their recent calls, text messages, contacts, etc) trying to catch them doing something, that’s a clear example.
And what’s worse, is if your partner allows you to go through it because they have nothing to hide, you’re constantly thinking they’re cleaning up their tracks by deleting messages, hiding things.
Also, just because someone has a lock on their phone, it doesn’t mean they’re cheating.
Always Thinking Of Worst Case Scenario
If they missed a call from you or don’t respond immediately, you think they’re up to no good. Or if they happen to be running late, you think they were just cheating with someone else.
I once had someone text me when I was taking a 20 minute shower and when I checked my phone, I had about 20 messages that looked something like:
What are you up to?
How come you’re not responding?
I’m going to keep texting you until you respond.
Oh, you’re just not going to respond?”
And it kept going.
Clear sign of trust issues.
You Stalk Them On Social Media
You track their every move on social media. Watch what they like, what they post, etc. And you may start fights because they liked a status or picture of the opposite sex.
Social media has ruined plenty of relationships and it has made people even more insecure. Don’t let it happen to you!
You Don’t Give Them Space
Every healthy relationship needs their own space, even if you don’t think you need it. You don’t want them having their own space because you can’t keep your eyes on them because you don’t trust.
Just because your partner wants to have a guys night/girls night, they just want to bond of their friends. Or if they want some time alone to do simple things like read, work out, etc, that’s not a bad thing.
You’re Always Referencing Past Relationships
You stalk their exes on social media and are bringing them up or comparing your relationship to theirs.
There’s a reason why they’re an ex. Don’t become one due to your actions of having trust issues.
Now here are ways to help get over trust issues when it came to relationships.
How To Get Over Trust Issues
Acknowledge Having Trust Issues
If you’re in denial about having trust issues, you won’t get anywhere and there definitely won’t be change. The first thing to do is to acknowledge that you actually have trust issues and not be so hardheaded that you don’t see it.
Figure Out Why You Have Trust Issues
You know there are times where people have trust issues but if you ask why, they can’t give you a specific reason because they’re unsure too.
Narrow down when you started having these trust issues (maybe it’s from a childhood experience, lost trust in a past relationship, history of low self-esteem, people taking advantage of your generosity, poor judge of character, etc) and where they came from so you can try to solve the problem and not take it out on others.
Deal With Baggage And Let Them Go
Is there something that has been holding you back from trusting (failed relationships, business partners, friendships, etc.)? Bad things happen all the time but it’s how you deal with it and move on that help make you the best version of yourself. You can tell a lot by someone going through adversity versus someone that can just enjoy the ride.
Instead of living in the past and dwelling on what went wrong, take that as a lesson and use that knowledge to move forward. Try to see things from their shoes; would you like it if someone did those same things you did?
Live in the present, learn from the past and look towards the future. So, let go of that baggage so you can finally move forward.
Change Your Way Of Thinking To Be More Positive
People with trust issues constantly have the mindset of seeing the glass half empty but if you change it to see the glass half full, not only will it help you get over trust issues but it will make your life that much happier.
There will always be bad apples but it doesn’t mean everyone is bad. Work on finding constructive ways to deal with it so it doesn’t add negative views to your life.
We mentioned earlier, using it as a lesson rather than thinking the world is against you. Forgive and forget so you can move on. Don’t give someone or some thing that much power over you.
Of course this is easier said that done but it takes time and effort.
Start Fresh Without Expectations
Start fresh. You can’t start any relationship with them at a disadvantage.
I remember meeting a girl that was interested in me and when I introduced myself, she told me she had a bad experience with someone with the same name as me. Right from the get go, I was going to be judged by what happened in her past. I still gave it a chance but eventually I moved on.
Also, when you have such high expectations, usually it leads to disappointment when they’re not met. You will more than likely overlook the many positive things and just see that one negative thing that wasn’t met.
Start fresh, everyone is different.
Assumptions and expecting people to know what you want is always going to be a slippery slope. Communication will help solve that problem. Everyone has their own experience and interpretations so communicating clearly helps everyone get on the same page.
When you have trust issues, in general or in a relationship, it’s not an easy fix. It takes time, effort and help. The key is to continue working on it, working on yourself and know that you’re not alone when it comes to it.
Remember, trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship and it takes both of you to work to build it up, not down.